Pillow Talk with Roxy Stutchbury
Self Love
How to Woo Yourself
The Art of Intimacy
3 Ways To Explore Touch With Your Partner
Surrender to your Orgasm
Valentine's Day… Whether you are a die hard Valentine’s fan or whether it’s something you turn your nose up at, are single or simply uninterested, we invite you to look at this famous day of love through a different lens this year. We feel that this ‘prompt’ during the year is an exciting opportunity to do things a little differently, in the bedroom or elsewhere in your relationships.
The 14th February is probably one of the most famous days in the calendar. On this day we stereotypically celebrate the love we have for our partners with lavish gifts, fine dining and a heart shaped something in the mix, however, we want to explore the day of love a little further. We want to make it a day of intention setting and reshaping habits that are limiting your sex life and your confidence.
We have collaborated with our amazing Sexual Wellness Coach, Roxy Stutchbury, to bring you her Valentine’s Day top tips for open communication around sex with your partner, reaching orgasm and breaking the myths around sex coaching. We’ve done a deep dive into Roxy’s best advice on all things, love, sex and intimacy with your partner and of course yourself, Valentine’s Day is just as much for the singles as it is for the couples.
Roxy’s Rule Number 1; Self Love
If you want to explore your sexuality, deepen your intimacy with your partner or have bigger experiences with your orgasm, it does not mean you have anything ‘wrong’ with you sexually, it means you have a curiosity and a desire for more, which is something to be celebrated!
“Women who have a healthy active sex life can still feel disconnected from their body, and the key ingredient here is self-love!”
When we learn to appreciate our body, work with it, listen to it, get curious in a compassionate and loving way it can only lead to better sex and sexual experiences.
And for those of us who have struggled with sexuality, nurturing self-love is the core tool to being able to start expressing yourself and experiencing pleasure. The verdict? We all want to cultivate self-love and have better sex and intimacy. But first and foremost, it has to start with you, learning what you like sexually and how to pleasure yourself will in turn, allow you to manage expectations from partners and more confidently express your sexual desires to them.
How To ‘Woo’ Yourself This Valentines
Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to start creating new habits and to put in some extra effort to get the mood right before sex or self pleasure. Let’s start with an oldie but goldie; setting the scene, and this doesn’t just mean rose petals on the bed... It is about engaging your senses, learning what makes you feel sensual and excited. Roxy has given us the perfect simple shopping list to set the scene for Valentine’s, and hopes these habits continue long after this special day.
Think about the five senses, when wooing yourself and someone else, set the scene, create a space that feels safe and relaxing, think about lighting, smells, textures, what can you hear? It doesn’t have to be fancy or elaborate, but two minutes spent on getting the lighting right and creating a scent for the room can make a huge difference to your experience.
“Find the smells and meaning behind them that are significant to you”
Roxy’s Shopping List
Scented Candles: Vintage Rose by St Eval
Massage Oil; Grapeseed Oil or Coconut Oil
Grape seed oil is unscented meaning you can create your own massage oil by adding your chosen essential oils. It’s also rich in vitamins, fatty acids & phenols.
Essential Oils: Juniper, Rose, Ylang Ylang by NHR Organic Oils
Rose oil – opening ritual – sacred feminine, the queen of essential oils, promotes love and an open heart
Juniper oil – closing ritual – used to cleanse and reset the space and tools, it is protective and dispels negative energy
Yoni Crystal Wand by Tantric Tools
Roxy suggests starting with the mini wand if you’re a first timer, not only are these easy on the eye, but they can be amazing for play and de-armouring. Crystal Yoni Wands are used as internal massage sticks, so you can press into areas that you are feeling numb or painful to help release and relax, much like a masseuse would do. Playing with the temperature, by warming it up or cooling it down is an exciting way to enhance the pleasure experience.
Non Chemical lube and condoms by Hanx
This is a brand created by women for women, the condoms and lube are vegan, have no chemicals and are biodegradable. Why would women be the ones to make them? Well because we are the ones that have these products interfering with the PH in our bodies. You can aslo buy them in Tescos or any other drug stores.
Books:
Create a playlist on Spotify simply for sexy moments, create a go to list for when you want to set the mood.
“I have my go to ritual herbs that help indicate to me the start and end of a practice, be it breath work, mediation or pleasure practice, and even when I have been on a coaching call to indicate to my brain that it is complete and I can leave the session behind”
The Art of Presence & Intimacy
How do we bring presence back into the bedroom?
“I once heard a fellow coach say ‘sex is easy, love making is hard’ and there is a truth to that statement. Not because you have to do any back flips or somersaults but because truly good sex means being fully present with your partner, a.k.a being vulnerable.”
Communicate
Get talking! One of my favourite exercises is sharing your loves, hopes, and fears. Get cosy, talk about what you love about your sex life and what’s been really working for you. What do you love about your connection? Then talk about hopes and desires you have for the future/next time, you can use this as a time to flirt and get turned on, what do you want to do, how do you want to feel? And lastly the key to true vulnerability is sharing your fears. What’s been holding you back, what’s on your mind, what do you worry about and how you can support each other if that happens?
2. Holistic tools
Learning and utilising the holistic tools, such as breath, movement, intention and sound can really help support you if you’re finding yourself numbing out during sex. They can be used to bring you back to the present, back into your body and the sensations you are feeling with your sexual partner. What’s even more amazing about them, is you don’t need a specific toy or equipment, you have them available to you anytime anywhere.
Roxy’s Top Tips To Help You Surrender To Your Orgasm
Slow down
Slower than you even think you need, even when you are exploring on your own, wait and listen to your body’s boundaries and consent. Is it ready to be penetrated yet? What’s the rush?
Create your ideal context
Make sure you set the scene, organise your space in a way that helps your turn on’s (accelerators) i.e where you feel safe, private and undistracted by the outside world.
Touch
Touch your body and notice how it is feeling, don’t go straight for the obvious area, massage your thighs, your stomach your breasts. Notice how you are feeling.
Breathe
Using your breath is a fantastic way of getting back into your body when your over thinking, if you can bring your intention back instead of deepening your breath and breathing into sensations, you will find that you not only be more present but you will also surrender to the sensations as they arise.
Focus
Stop chasing that end goal, if you're one track minded, you’ll be at risk of missing all the joy and pleasure you are already experiencing in your body. Instead focus on touch and the experiences you’re already receiving on your own or with a partner.
Movement
Movement can help you open and surrender. Instead of getting tense, holding your breath and tightening up, use some movement to keep yourself relaxed and let the pleasure flow!
3 Ways To Explore Touch With Your Partner
Wake up her whole body, beginning with the non sexual parts. Wait to touch with the more tender area’s until she’s already aroused. This is how women differ from men in the arousal stages.
Tease, touch & tempt. It’s on you to help her want more, not less. Better to have her longing for you to touch her genitals than to dive straight in when she’s not turned on yet.
Pay attention to her breathing & body language signals, is she becoming more open or closing up? If she’s closing up, take it slower, bring your attention to your fingertips, can you mix it up the way in which you’re using your hands? Touch can come in different ways; more nurturing, sensual, sexual - try and use them all.
